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#75 Parenting With Perspective: 3 Steps to Self-Care

Nov 18, 2021
 

Put On YOUR Oxygen Mask FIRST!

If you're like most parents, you've been guilty of putting everybody else's needs above your own. 

If you're like most parents, you've probably bragged about some of the sacrifices that you've made for your children. 

Sacrificing for your loved ones isn't the problem. 

The problem is when you take care of the needs of others at the expense of your own needs. 

This is a huge problem because if you don't take care of your needs, who will?

If you don't take care of your needs, you have less power to help and serve others. 

If you've ever traveled by plane, you've been instructed to put your oxygen mask on before helping others.

If you want to be the parent of your dreams, YOU NEED TO MAKE YOUR SELF-CARE A PRIORITY!

Only YOU Can Know Your Needs

One of the things parents tell me, especially mothers, is . . . 

. . . "I don't even know what my needs are."

I get it. 

You've spent your whole life as a parent focusing on the needs of your children, and possibly your spouse, and you've forgotten how to focus on YOU.

Only you can know your needs. 

No one else can figure your needs out for you. 

So I want to invite you to make identifying and meeting your needs a priority. 

Reconnect with YOU

The best way to identify and understand your needs is to reconnect with yourself. 

To reconnect with yourself, explore powerful questions like:

  • “What are my “needs” and why?”
  • “What are my wants and why?” 
  • “What am I feeling and why?”
  • “How are these feelings impacting me?” 
  • “When am I at my best as a parent?” 
  • “How do I want to BE as a parent?”
  • “What supports me BEing at my best?”

As you reconnect with yourself you will start to shift your focus back to things within your control.

You will start to understand what helps you BE at your best as a parent.

Make YOU A Priority

Like I said earlier, ONLY YOU can meet your needs. 

I invite you to make YOU and your needs a priority. 

One of my clients said, "But it feels so SELFISH!"

Let me show you her unintentional model.

Circumstance ~ Self-Care
Thought ~ Putting my needs first is selfish.
Feeling ~ Guilt
Action ~ Sacrifice my self-care
Result ~ Resent my family.

Because she believed it was selfish, she felt guilt which caused her to "sacrifice" her self-care for her family, which caused her to resent her family. 

Circumstance ~ Self-Care
Thought ~ When I take care of myself, I'm a better mom.
Feeling ~ Love
Action ~ Spend alone time away from kids.
Result ~ Love my kids and family. 

When she thought about her self-care making her a better mom, she felt love (for herself), which fueled her action of addressing her needs, which resulted in her loving her family more. 

Self-Care Increases Self-Love

As you improve your self-care, you will also increase your self-love.

I believe that you love the people you serve.

I invite you to look at self-care as serving yourself.

As you take care of yourself, you will grow to love yourself even more.

Your ability to love others reflects your ability to love yourself!

Main Take-Aways: How to Implement Your Self-Care!

  1. Connect with yourself
  2. Make your self-care a priority
  3. Love yourself

 

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