The Cure for Insecurity
I don't mean to be throwing around the word "cure" these days with everything going on with coronavirus...
Some things actually do have a cure.
Like the insecurity your teen may be feeling.
Insecurity comes from self-doubt.
As a parent, you may think the way to make your teen less insecure is to beef up their "security" about what they can do.
If they feel insecure about sports, make them a better player.
If they feel insecure about dating, hook them up with someone who will ensure the date will go great.
And if they feel insecure about public speaking, have them practice 1,000 times in front of a mirror.
Because, if they have more security in their ability to do something, they'll be less insecure, right?
How many times have you heard someone who has the ability to do something still worry that they can’t?
Taking actions like those mentioned above may build up their confidence in that one thing, but it won't necessarily build up their self-confidence.
Confidence is their level of security in doing something based on whether or not they have done it in the past.
Self-confidence is their level of security in themselves that they can manage their mind and emotions despite the results of any given event or activity.
Confidence comes in experiencing success.
Self-confidence comes in successfully experiencing failure.
Learning how to do that is the cure to insecurity.
To administer this cure, coach them in how to fail rather than in just how to succeed.
How To Fail
Teaching your teen how to fail may seem counterintuitive as someone who is supposed to help them succeed in life. But it’s a far better skill for them to have. The road to success is paved with failures.
Here are five helpful thoughts to offer your teen to help them learn how to fail:
Accept the worst case scenario (it usually isn’t as bad as they think)
Most results of failures are just negative emotions, and emotions can’t really hurt us
Failing once doesn’t mean you’ll fail every time
Failing doesn’t define you, it’s what you do after you fail that does
No matter how it may look, failure is a part of everyone’s life
It’s also important to look at how you react when your teen fails. Do you make it a big deal? Are you highlighting the negative repercussions or focusing on the lessons learned? Do you define your teen by their past failures, or by who they can become?
Insecurity is just as much of a pandemic as the coronavirus. And while COVID-19 will eventually run its course, insecurity can stay with your teen forever if not treated.
Teaching your teen confidence may treat the symptoms of insecurity, but teaching your teen self-confidence will treat the underlying cause.